2) Unhealthy Attractions
When we act on our defenses, we tend to settle on less-than-ideal relationship partners. We may establish an unsatisfying relationship by selecting an individual who isn’t emotionally available. Because this process is essentially unconscious, we frequently blame our partner for the relationship’s failed outcome. We tend to feel devastated or hurt by the repeated rejections without recognizing that we are seeking out this pattern.
Why can we do this? the explanations are complex and sometimes supported our embedded fears of intimacy. These could also be unpleasant, but breaking with old patterns can cause us an excellent deal of hysteria and discomfort, and make us feel strangely alien and alone during a more loving environment.
Our fears of parting with the image we developed of ourselves early and beginning to see ourselves during a more positive light paradoxically make us feel uneasy and should trigger ,which feels easier and familiar, albeit painful.
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